| | By Mick James
Why do consultants
talk such rubbish?
Consultants are
intelligent, articulate,
highly-educated people
who are both passionate
and knowledgeable about
what they do. Ask them to
express any of this in
writing and the results
are often horrible.
Everything occurs in
the passive voice
“processes are
optimised”,
“goal-oriented metrics
are introduced”. There’s
an awful lot of “driving”
and “value” but no cheap
cars and the word
“leverage“ crops up with
metronomic consistency.
Why do we do this to
ourselves and our
clients?
Every profession has
its professional jargon.
Seafaring, for example,
has its own vocabulary:
“Avast behind! Harden the
mainsail!” But usually
this is shorthand with a
precise definition –
every captain has to deal
with a landlubber at some
point. And when you’re
dealing with new
concepts, it’s useful to
be able to explain them
to the people. Take the
idea of “business
processes”, a major
conceptual advance of the
20th century, yet I doubt
whether there are more
than a couple of people
in any given company who
really understand what it
means. Could you explain
it? Incidentally, the
question I am most asked
about my job at parties
is “What do consultants
actually do?”. “Optimise
business processes,” I
reply, then head swiftly
for the loo.
But beyond justifiable
professional jargon,
there is a steaming pile | |
| |
| | the States, where a lot
of this stuff originates.
I was in an American
airport recently and a
voice announced “an alarm
situation is in progress”
(even as bell rang and
light flashed). Odd, I
thought, but the English
idiom “The alarm has gone
off” is equally
inscrutable. Gone off
where? Why not “It is
alarming”? Or just
“Alarm!” Phrasal verbs
like “going off” are
particularly difficult
for non-English speakers
but virtually invisible
to the rest of us. Why
aren’t “sit up” and “sit
down” opposites, like
“get on” and “get off”?
But if you don’t get on
with someone, it hardly
means you’ll get off with
them.
Faced with this
minefield it’s much safer
to retreat into the
passive voice and use
neutral words like
“situation”.
A final dire influence
is modern technology,
which allows you to
quickly assemble a mass
of data and then start
writing in all
directions. Points and
concepts crowd the brain,
and they all seem as
important as each other.
You end up trying to
squeeze everything into
the piece, if not the
first sentence.
This is all a tragedy,
because consultancies
have invested so much in
knowledge management
systems, rightly thinking
that the combined
expertise and experience
of a consulting firm, if
captured, could be used
to create an intellectual
weapon of mass-creation.
Unfortunately it hasn’t
worked out like that, and
“Maybe there’s something | |
|
| | about this in the
knowledge base” is a
phrase I often use as a
cruel taunt to hapless
PRs and marketing people.
Garbage-in, garbage-out
is the rule in KM,
unfortunately.
This is because
grasping the essentials
of a complex situation is
not an easy thing to do.
If it were, we’d all be
brilliant short story
writers. Unfortunately,
there’s something of a
shortage of talent in
that direction, which is
why the principles of
journalism were evolved
to allow lazy people like
myself to earn a living.
Journalism might seem
complicated, but its
essence is contained in
these lines by Rudyard
Kipling:
“I keep six honest
serving-men
(They taught me all I
knew);
Their names are What
and Why and When
And How and Where and
Who.”
If a piece of business
writing or exposition
doesn’t answer these
questions, it is probably
of no use to a
prospective client (who
may start asking their
own questions, such as
“Who are you and why are
you telling me this? How
did you get on this
shortlist anyway? Etc).
Here are some tips and
exercises that will
improve your writing:
1. Read critically.
Writing has no hidden
moving parts. Read
well-written articles and
ask, why is this piece
written in this order?
Where did the writer get
the information? What
questions are unanswered?
Try and shorten the piece | |
|
| | by crossing out whole
paragraphs at a time and
see if it still makes
sense.
2. Write a set of
instructions telling a
complete novice how to
make a cup of tea. Then
read George Orwell’s “A
Nice Cup of Tea”
(http://www.netcharles.com
/orwell/essays/nicecupofte
a.htm) . Humbling, isn’t
it?
3. Try explaining what
you do for a living to a
reasonably intelligent
13-year old. If they
don’t run away, tell them
about your latest
project.
4. Following up on
this, unlock the natural
power of your brain to
structure material into
narrative by simply
describing your project
or idea to another
person. Note which things
you highlight, and what
points follow each other.
Or you could try writing
the piece, not with a PC,
but a nice fountain pen.
5. Finally, most
non-professional writers
will spend about 10-20%
of their time gathering
material and the rest
(usually over a weekend)
trying to write the
piece. Reverse this.
Spend every minute you
have assimilating and
understanding your
material, and write it up
in the shortest possible
time – say double that
needed to type it out at
your normal typing
speed.
6. Finally, learn to
love and enjoy the
English language – it’s
like having a priceless
treasure of unbelievable
antiquity in your own
home. Don’t use it as a
doorstop!
| |
|
Previous Page 
